4 common misconceptions about children with lesbian mothers

You want to have a child, but like any parent, you don’t want them to suffer. In this post we uncover the truth about some common misconceptions that unfortunately are still prevalent in some parts of the community:

They will have psychological or adjustment disorders

Throughout your life you may have suffered discrimination and lack of acceptance from society but this has made you stronger. That’s why it’s more likely that you will nurture a strong family with better communication skills where everything is discussed openly. In turn, this will help your children be confident and adapt better to any situation. They will develop a stronger emotional intelligence.

Usually, in same-sexcouples the chores and duties are more equally distributed which makes your child develop a more tolerant and open mind.

In July of this year, a paper published by The New England Journal of Medicine clearly stated that children raised by same-sex couples where in no way different (be it their health, mental or emotional states) than those raised by heterosexual couples. They also don’t develop any behavioural or emotional problems and are not necessarily prone to psychological disorders.

They will miss not having a father figure

It’s unlikely that a child will miss something he’s never had. They will have many female and male figures in their lives: uncles, cousins, grandparents, friends…

The studies don’t show any changes in the development of gender roles in these children for instance, there are no changes in the ways they play.

They will be bullied

Bullying is a reality that emotionally affects many children. Some kids bully others for different reasons such as they wear glasses, are overweight or shy or simply because they don’t want to play…

The fact that your child has two mums won’t be any special reason for other children to bully them. It may be that these kids parents have a harder time understanding your situation than the kids themselves…

They will be homosexual too

Of course, that is a possibility. But it won’t be any higher just because they have two lesbian mums, this won’t skew their sexual orientation any which way. Surely this will give them a more open and tolerant attitude towards diversity.

No one should care if a child has a father and mother, a father, a mother, two fathers or two mothers. We are all people and we teach our children values and above all love. Society is always moving forwards which mean soon all these common misconceptions will be a thing of the past.

 

What if I don’t get pregnant right away?

When you start a fertility treatment you might feel that you will fall pregnant on the first attempt. When this doesn’t happen you start feeling doubtful and anxious with thoughts like: do I have fertility issues? Am I sick? These thoughts are common in not just lesbian couples but in any woman that is trying to get pregnant and is having some trouble doing so right away.

The success rate of different fertility treatments varies: artificial insemination is around 20-25% (going up to 60% by the third attempt), in vitro fertilisation is 70% and the ROPA method is closer to 90%. Even though the ROPA method has the highest success rate in fertility treatments, a truly successful pregnancy is linked to other factors such as:

The ovarian reserve: every woman is born with a limited number of oocytes. This number decreases in both quantity and quality after a woman turns 35 which makes becoming pregnant more complicated.

The condition of the uterus: the following fertility tests can be useful for lesbian couples in determining the morphology of their uterus and ovaries: transvaginal ultrasound, hysteroscopy, and endometrial biopsy.

The condition of the Fallopian Tubes: is another reference of your fertility. Appendicitis, peritonitis or varying levels of endometriosis may have affected the fallopian tubes.

There can also be issues with the pregnant mother’s endometrium.

All these risks factors are screened for in the initial fertility tests. There is also genetic testing in order to ensure the highest compatibility with the sperm donor. The sperm’s quality controls are very strict.

There’s no magic wand that will make sure you are successful but you can prepare yourself physically and emotionally for this journey. A well-balanced life and diet is very important. Some things you can do: reduce caffeine and alcohol, get enough sleep and exercise regularly.

If your particular situation is getting the best of you, don’t hesitate in getting in touch with a specialist who can help reduce your anxiety. Undergoing a fertility treatment is an emotional roller coaster. Do things that make you happy: exercise regularly, go for walks, read, do yoga. Avoid any and all situations that produce stress. Treat yourself!

Shall we start project baby? Get in touch with us and we’ll answer all your questions.